Danger Zone: The Friend Zone

One of the scariest, darkest, most desperately pathetic places you will ever encounter, although you’ll be surrounded by other people that are in the Friend Zone as well, granted they’ll be competing with you as they attempt to escape the Zone causing you to go through inevitable fits of jealousy and sleepless nights , they’re all just lovely people.




Friend Zone: (n) An abstract Zone that differentiates you from other people who are considered potential love interests. You are placed in this Zone when you are seen as a friend and nothing more.
                               1. Good: You are now this person of the opposite sex's friend!
                               2. Bad: You are now your crush's friend, and nothing more, and nothing more, forever more.

Note: Any sort of optimism, usually drilled into your brain by third party members, as you’ve already established a healthy balance of hope and despair by this time on your own, only makes this place twice as scary, dark, and desperately pathetic.

There's no way out.

For some reason it has come to be used/known as a Zone created  by only women, sometimes seen as if it’s done on purpose to torture men. Clarification: As a gentlewoman, it is not what I'd want, but it works both ways. Men  create this hellish godforsaken MISERABLE BARREN HOLE…*breathes*…ahem, forgive me.

The fact of the matter is, we have all been thrown into the fiery hell of the Friend Zone at one point or another in our lives, sadly.

Note: If you answered ‘no’ to this then you’re in too deep


There are four distinct types of Friend Zonees:

1. Those of us who have continued to live in denial in the Zone.
2. Those of us who know the reality, but refuse to leave the Zone (seeing it as a much better compromise than not being with the person at all),
3. Those of us who have simply evacuated the Zone at full speed and with free will. (Note: There are those who flee the friendship entirely, as it has become too much to take, whereas there are those who have apparently "accepted" the truth and have continued with the faux friendship.)
4. And there are the measly few, that we should admire greatly and praise and envy, that have surpassed the Friend Zone hurdles, regained their standing, and have given us more optimism to tip our delicate balance spiraling our already desperate situation out of control.

Thank you …  ”So you can go shave your back now.”

The number 4s seem to know what they’re doing, unfortunately I have yet to get my hands on number 4s expertise, because they are so rare you see, but once I do, I’ll definitely get back to you.

The number 3s have realized that he just wouldn’t bite, that the world is their oyster and that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. What’s with all the fish analogies? I’m not exactly sure why or how this fits in, but this seems relevant.

“Look at it in a fishing analogy: Try using a fishing rod to catch fishes, you can catch one at a time only if you are skilled and experience, which most people aren’t when it comes to relationships. However, try casting a big fish net and you will open your world of possibilities with so many choices.”

Number 3s are building nets right about now.

As for the 2s and the 1s? Well, they can apply for Friend Zone citizenship right about now.

The funk soul brother, right about now.

Friend Zonee?


The lingo

“Heeeeey there! “

“‘Suuuup HOMIE! Wazzzuuup?”

FZ’d, promiscuous gentlewoman.

The body language

*Lightly touches arm and smiles* “Hi.”

*Punches arm* “YO!”

FZ’d, ouch.

And finally,
The random call

*High hopes* “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

*Siiigh* “Well, there’s this girl…”

FZ’d, death.


Here's a comic that sums it up and made me laugh at my own *ahem* I mean your pathetic state:

Gentlewoman, out.